So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize