Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
