I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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