Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
