i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
