I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
