someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
