I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
