i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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