ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
