Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
