Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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