The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
