i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
