You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Randomize
