He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
