it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
