So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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