he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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