well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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