For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
