she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
