Girls should come with a carfax report
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
