oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
