in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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