Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
