He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
