tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
this hospital has no fireball
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
