I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
dude. I can hear the air.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
