I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
