I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize