I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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