dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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