I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
