You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
