nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
