I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
