You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
