So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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