...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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