She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We have started to decorate penises.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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