My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
party gras won. party gras always wins.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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