Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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