coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
