i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Drunk is a universal language darling
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
