So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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