it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
