did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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