You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
