i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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