____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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