If that was your dad, he is hot
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize