I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My vagina is officially offended.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
