I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He felt like a one man threesome
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
