Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
