I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
