I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
