yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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