Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
