Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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