My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
