Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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