I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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