Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
