Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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