the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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