so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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