I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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