You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
